Category Archives: Friends

When I’m Not Me

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Over the past month, I’ve had conversations with two different friends about what it means to be “me” – whoever you are. We all came to the same conclusion:

One thing that makes you you is that you find special satisfaction in doing a particular type (or types) of work. You’ve been uniquely gifted, and if you’re not regularly exercising those gifts, you’re acting contrary to how you were created to act.

Those gifts could be anything: dancing, typing, editing, marketing, talking with people, building, designing, writing, punching or crunching numbers, analyzing, caring for someone, snapping a picture, digging holes, driving, teaching, learning – whatever. The thing is, sometimes your desired vocation doesn’t turn out to be your occupation – at least for a particular season in life. But hang in there. I say that as one who struggles with this very thing.

Just to clarify: vocation is just one part of who we are. It isn’t the whole person. It’s not even the most important part of the whole. But it’s a part that gets over-emphasized in countries like the USA.

I Don’t HAVE to, I GET to

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I love my family.

Sometimes they’re difficult. Sometimes they prevent me from doing the things I love to do. But this is all just a part of life, isn’t it? Anything can cause us difficulty or keep us from having fun, etc…

I think I’m learning that when you truly love, you’re choosing to be in pain – as you love. Here’s why:

Love is sacrificial – self-giving, other-oriented, not selfish at all. What does selfishness look like? Putting your desires above the desires of those you love, and when you don’t get what you want, you make a big stink about it. (Keep in mind, love isn’t one-way – it happens in relationship, so both people have to be giving of themselves, and sometimes it works out that someone is sacrificially loving you – you’re the receiver.)

Next, when you hang your heart on the line – when you love – you’re bound to be let down by the people you love. People suck. People hurt the people they love the most. Why? They don’t really do it on purpose. It’s a product of the fact that we spend the majority of our time with the people we love the most. People are prone to act contrary to the way they were originally designed to act (in perfect love).

Now here’s how this post relates to my title:

A selfish man would say, “I have to stay home with my children during the day, so my wife can work a steady job.” A loving man would say, “I get to stay home with my kids…” I’ll be honest. I’m definitely feeling somewhere in between today. Of course, it’s because I’m not perfect and I struggle with selfishness – probably more than the next man! But you can’t say I’m not trying to work on or figure out how to fully, truly say “I get to…”

Also, my kids are cute. Seth in the leaves and Eleanor with wide eyes.