When it’s All Worth it

Raising kids is hard. It’s a complicated process that never ends – not even when they’re “grown up” and out of the house. That’s because as we teach our children, we’re also ourselves learning how to teach them. And every lesson taught – and learned – or re-taught and re-learned – is again another new lesson – because the circumstances have changed: you’re older, the child is older, the day’s events are different, and every variable is different. The weather is different, too!

Raising kids is complicated – not just because it is – but because it’s what we call life. Life is complicated. There are new variables every single day. You can’t even perform the same, simple task the same way from one day to the next. Take a less simple task as an example: you learn to walk as a toddler. Then you run. Then you gain speed and mobility. You train. You run further, faster, longer. Then you get older. You lose some of your edge. And sometimes, you lose your ability to run at all. Or even walk. You can’t approach running in the same way from one day to the next because you’re not the same person from one day to the next. Life changes. It’s one of only two constants*.

But here’s the deal: some of the most memorable moments in the last six years of my feeble existence have been spent with my children. Those moments almost always relate to something they’ve done – a laugh, a tumble, a word or sentence, a mess.

These moments make you realize that yeah, as cliche as it sounds, you wouldn’t trade your kids or these hard days for the world. Psalm 127:3. This post has made me start to think about some of those moments in my own life, going as far back as I can remember. I think I’m going to try to compile a list of them and post them here over the next year or so. (It will take a while to remember them, to think through the years, and I don’t want to miss any.)

If you’re wondering what that picture is in this post, it’s my son’s bedroom after he decided to remove all of his books from the bookshelf.

I Don’t HAVE to, I GET to

I love my family.

Sometimes they’re difficult. Sometimes they prevent me from doing the things I love to do. But this is all just a part of life, isn’t it? Anything can cause us difficulty or keep us from having fun, etc…

I think I’m learning that when you truly love, you’re choosing to be in pain – as you love. Here’s why:

Love is sacrificial – self-giving, other-oriented, not selfish at all. What does selfishness look like? Putting your desires above the desires of those you love, and when you don’t get what you want, you make a big stink about it. (Keep in mind, love isn’t one-way – it happens in relationship, so both people have to be giving of themselves, and sometimes it works out that someone is sacrificially loving you – you’re the receiver.)

Next, when you hang your heart on the line – when you love – you’re bound to be let down by the people you love. People suck. People hurt the people they love the most. Why? They don’t really do it on purpose. It’s a product of the fact that we spend the majority of our time with the people we love the most. People are prone to act contrary to the way they were originally designed to act (in perfect love).

Now here’s how this post relates to my title:

A selfish man would say, “I have to stay home with my children during the day, so my wife can work a steady job.” A loving man would say, “I get to stay home with my kids…” I’ll be honest. I’m definitely feeling somewhere in between today. Of course, it’s because I’m not perfect and I struggle with selfishness – probably more than the next man! But you can’t say I’m not trying to work on or figure out how to fully, truly say “I get to…”

Also, my kids are cute. Seth in the leaves and Eleanor with wide eyes.